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As a small child of 6 or 7, I nearly drowned. I saved myself and later I realized how this event molded my future life outlook. A life-changing experience a defining moment as it were.
On a hot New York summer day, my family was afforded the rare pleasure of a day at a summertime resort outside New York City. A friend of my father had let us in to use the resort on a day the facility was closed for renovations I believe it was. The pool, however, was fully functional and we had it all to our selves. No people. Not one! Also no lifeguard!
When my brother and I got the news that we could go swim and cool off we raced to the pool towels in hand in our swimsuits. Upon laying eyes on the shining blue Mecca of relief from the sweltering New York summer heat we raced toward it. Subconsciously sensing that this was another sibling competition I was determined to win and be the one that leaped out into the water the furthest. I envisioned my leaping launch from the pool deck in my mind's eye. I executed just so and tossing my towel aside all in one motion looking a running leaped feet first into the air my legs still churning under me as I traveled gloriously. Effortlessly and with the flexibility of a skinny youth, I covered the remaining space in an instant. I experienced the sensation that only a child feels. Like you are weightless and can fly.
In doing so and in my childish recklessness I did not notice that this was the deep end and growing up in the big city New York I had not yet learned to swim! Crowded wading pools in the inner city I had visited prior had not afforded me this opportunity.
I struggled to break the surface gasping for air! I had left far from my brother's position he was closer to the wall and in a similar situation. I realized he could not, as he had always done, help his little brother this time. My mind raced and was aware that I could choose. Chose panic and defeat! But instead, I began to problem solve and despite the angry tearing sensation of my lungs begging for a breath of air I became alert but stayed calm. It was eerie and it felt like I was suddenly me but not me. An unknown part of me presented itself. If I can’t go up to the surface I thought maybe down to the floor where I could push off! Closing my arms above me I counter-intuitively pushed myself under until I touched bottom. If I was to drown then this would be as good a place as any. It was a long way. I almost panicked again. Maybe I couldn’t make it to the bottom. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to push off the bottom hard enough to get to the surface ever again. Was it a foolish choice? I reached the bottom and with lungs screaming for air I thrust upward. So very far! When my face broke the surface I had lost all impulse and gasped only a bit of air and water together. Now coughing and gagging on the water I knew I could not even scream help!
I had my eyes open underwater. Something I had never done before. I saw the wall. 8-10 feet maybe. 3 body lengths. I instinctively pulled and at the water and went under again to repeat the push of the water. Surfaced pulled and paddled madly as I had seen (1924 Olympic swimming gold medalist) Johnny Weissmuller do in the black and white Tarzan movies I had seen on TV that I so loved. Swim. I was sort of swimming. The pool wall got closer. I could do this I thought. This, I know now, was only possible because I kept my body loose, relaxed, and worked with the water not fighting it. I always marveled and how smooth and effortless Johnny Weissmuller looked in the water. Surely Tarzan was master of all beasts of the jungle and adapted to his environment like nature and he were friends. From swinging from the trees to running in the plains to swimming in the water, even his walk, he displayed strength and grace. Somehow I drew on this. My body relaxed the water via the equal and opposite reaction to my action helped me make it to the side where I found my taller brother had achieved the same. There was a short exchange and we did not stay in the pool long. I never told my parents this story for fear of not being allowed in the pool ever again. They did not know about this til 50 years later. In those days we were not encouraged to express our feelings etc. Men were men and we fell, got up, gathered our shit and moved on! Even at the tender age of six or seven, I knew that much!
Swimming later became my 1st love. A place where I could experience the joy of body motion and the communion with natures most quintessential element, H2O, water. Despite many fears and insecurities I have ever since experienced extreme clarity and calm in moments of high stress, trauma, or other calamities. Without fail as things get crazier I get calmer. Needless to say, this has served me well in many situations, not the least of was my medical training and practice. Panic is not an option. In med school, there is a saying that was passed on to me as I am sure it has from gen to gen “in a crisis 1st take your pulse and THEN take the patients pulse!” LOL
